btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
