I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
