Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
