It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
