allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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