Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He shit in the fireplace
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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