I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
