then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
