Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
