come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
