I wanna bring you to show and tell
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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