I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
