We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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