You really coming over, don't trick.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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