he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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