wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
