handjob tips. give me some.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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