It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
