I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
