Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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