Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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