he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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