Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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