you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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