The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
