i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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