very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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