So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
