I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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