Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
