I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
