This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
