I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
