I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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