dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
