No stitches, just platelets and will power
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
