You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
