thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
