i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
