For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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