I smell stomach acid.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
