I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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