nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
