I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
