it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
