its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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