she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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