Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
