one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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