So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
