Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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